Publication: My Goal for 2010

Like many people, I have always begun the new year with a list of goals I hope to accomplish.  Last year my goals included finishing my book, cleaning the garage, re-learning Spanish, and losing the proverbial last 10 pounds. I am happy to report that I did succeed in completing the first two. As for Spanish, I've decided to wait until I can spend some time in Mexico or Spain, and as for the extra 10 pounds..let's just say I've let that one go.  I've carried them around for the past fifteen years, and I've accepted the fact that they might be here to stay. Based on past successes, this year I decided to limit my goal to one: get my book published by a reputable publisher. If you've been reading my posts, you already know that the manuscript is currently in the hands of an agent who has yet to get back to me about whether I'm worthy of her representation. I sent the file before Thanksgiving and I didn't expect to hear anything during the holidays, but the holidays are over and since Monday, every time I check my e-mail, I hold my breath.

This brings me to my current dilemma; either I wait to hear back or I get proactive and pick up the phone...or do I e-mail?  In either case, what do I say? My healthy adult-self has no problem with this. She picks up the phone, identifies herself as the author of Searching for Jane, Finding Myself and asks, "Did you have a chance to read the manuscript?  Do you think you can sell it?"  These questions will open up a dialog that will either result in representation or not. Getting an agent moves me in the direction I want to go, but a negative isn't the end of the world.  My adult-self is wise enough to not take rejection personally.  It just means I haven't met the "right one" yet, that I need to expand my search.

I like to believe that my adult-self is in control; however, my insecure, adopted, inner-child is there on the sideline reminding me that my book might not be good enough, that I might not be good enough.  That this goal I have set for 2010 is going to take me down a long and desperate path of fear, neurotic behavior, and shame. I experience a moment of panic before I remind myself that I know better than to listen to the ghost of my distant past. I pat the memory on her head and turn back to my work.

Today, I'm putting the finishing touches on my manuscript.  Tomorrow, I'm contacting the agent.