Gold Friends

A few months ago I joined Facebook and became a part of the social networking community. My friend, Elle, who has more than 100 friends, recruited me, and I must admit it took me awhile to get the hang of it. At first. I found it intimidating. After all, as a "newby" with only one friend, I felt like a kid who had just transferred to a new school, wondering if I'd ever meet anyone. Suddenly, the pressure was on. I looked through my contacts and sent out a few friend requests, and while they didn't all respond, I have manged to collect more than a handful. Okay, so I'm not as popular as some, but I have enough friends to keep me entertained when it's too cold or wet to play outside and long after I should have gone to bed. Never the social butterfly, I couldn't help but wonder what the average number of friends in a Facebook network actually was. Was I in the ballpark or out in left field?

As it often happens, when I pose open-ended questions of this nature, the answer often comes to me in unexpected ways. I was at the dentists' office when I picked up the February 28th-March 6th 2009 issue of The Economist. The cover listed the article, "Facebook and your primate past." As I perused the article, it quickly became apparent that I wasn't the only one asking this question.

It turns out that sociologists distinguish between a person's wider network and their social core. According to the in-house sociologist at Facebook, the average number of "friends" in a Facebook network is 120; however the number of people a friend interacts with on a regular basis is remarkably small and stable. The average man generally responds to posting of only seven of those friends; and the average woman responds to ten. When it comes to two-way communication like e-mails or chats the number for men is 4 and the number for women is 6. What mainly goes up is not the core network, but the number of casual contact that people track more passively.

Having had more than my share of casual acquaintances in the 80's, I'm more than happy with the less than average number of friends I have acquired. Most of them are what I consider to be GOLD friends--they've known me for a long time; or know me really well, and are as precious as gold, which if you've been paying attention, closed at 938.48/oz last Friday. This doesn't mean I'm not open to expanding my social network. In fact, a couple of weeks ago, a high school friend found me and catching up with her was more fun than watching Lost. Just today, while perusing a friend's collection of friend, I found more people I had completely lost touch with. These contacts turned an ordinary Saturday into a memorable one.

Maybe, one of these days, I'll increase my friend collection, but for now, I'm appreciating my pile of gold.

Omaha in January???

Sometimes the gods (or goddesses) are on my side and the trip to Omaha in January-- when it might have been snowing or worse--was a perfect example. The three days I was there were unseasonably warm and instead of having to wear the heavy jacket, ugly hat, and thick gloves I squeezed into my suitcase, I ended up wearing a t-shirt and a light sweater. But even if there had been a blizzard, I would have had a great time because I was visiting my sister.

The beauty of our relationship comes from NOT having grown up together. We don't have sibling revelry to contend with or feelings that "mom loved you best." Our birth mother treated us equally--she gave us both up for adoption. Although Bridget and I had different fathers, each time we get together we discover more about each other. While our physical features aren't that similar, we share many interests--especially our obsession with Jane, our birth mother.


Before Jane died of cancer at the age of 58, Bridget met her, and although I've heard the story of their reunion a few times before, whenever we get together I'm like a small child at her grandmother's knee begging to hear it again. During this visit, Bridget brought out the photos she had of Jane as a young girl and we spent time comparing her features to those of our other siblings--eight in all--five boys, that grew up with Jane and the three girls she gave up. Bridget looks most like her, but I seem to have acquired many of her mannerisms. I wish I'd met Jane before she died, but even if I had, I doubt that I would have had the presence of mind to ask her all the things I have always wanted to know--Who really is my birth father? Why did you kept the boys and give up the girls? What was going on while you were pregnant with me--did you love me or were you relieved to let me go?

Whenever I travel, I bring my own teabags with me--organic black tea for breakfast and Egyptian Licorice for evening. Upon discovering I LOVE licorice, Bridget, who doesn't like it at all, insisted we go to Lincoln-about 50 miles away- to Licorice International (www.licoriceinternation.com), where they have licorice from all over the world. It was well worth the drive and if you're an affectionado like me, be sure to visit their Web site. You'll be amazed.

Bridget invited friends for dinner, so after the licorice factory we went grocery shopping (There's a Whole Foods in Omaha) and spent the rest of the day cooking. Bridget made her famous and delicious ratatouille,and I made pork roast stuffed with sauted spinach and walnuts, and a green salad. Friends arrived promptly at 6:30 and for me the best part was seeing Bridget through their eyes.

Sunday, Bridget's mom--a tiny woman with abundant energy--and her step dad took us out for breakfast.



That night, Bridget and I visited the Old Market area and had dinner at M's Pub. Have I mentioned that the food in Omaha is fantastic?

Monday morning, I was headed back home.



In addition to doing things together, what I love about being with Bridget is that it's comfortable. Even though I'm an energetic Leo and she's a dreamy Pices, we share a certain familiarity that comes from some kind of cosmic familial connection. While some families can't get seem to get over their differences and waste precious time blaming and complaining, for me, having siblings--especially sisters--is about connecting, sharing, and finding common ground--even if it means going to Omaha in January!